Virtue Magazine

People frequently ask these questions when considering a gecko deck, yet it’s very rare that someone actually has the answer for them. Personally, I’m fed up with this new “no information” trend and I’m here to change that. In this article and future follow-ups, we will begin to examine not only geckos and their love of gecko decks, but also why it is so stinkin’ hard to get good, reliable information about ‘em.

Why you should consider a Gecko Deck

Do you have a pet rooster? Do you want one? I recently learned that Geckos and Roosters don’t get along as well as you might hope. Geckos tend to get the munchies and…well. It’s just not pretty. To give your Gecko a nice distraction from your rooster, you should build a Gecko Deck! Why? We’re not really sure, but rumor has it that Geckos like to get a deep, dark-green tan.

But what if you don’t have a pet rooster? (Or more importantly, a pet gecko.) Well, don’t feel too bad, because I don’t have one either. But I do have good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

What are some other benefits of Gecko Decks?

If the recent study (funded by Congress in the amount of $850 million) is any indicator of the trend, people who invest in Gecko Decks are 2% more likely to win the lottery than those who do not; and the rate went up to almost 3.5% if the gecko owner was a lawyer.

Also, the average household gecko tends to spend around 5 hours per day chewing on refrigerators and armadillos when the munchies set in—and when there are no roosters within easy reach. However, we have found that geckos who have a Gecko Deck only chew on armadillos, which saves a considerable amount of cost repairing the wiring in refrigerators.

The advantages of Bright Orange Gecko Decks.

Also included in the study was an investigation on the merits of painting your Gecko Deck a bright orange rather than the “deep, dark-green tan” preferred by most. (Actually, we’re not sure if the color mentioned refers to the color of the Deck itself, or the color that the gecko gets from lying out in the sun on its Deck.)
Either way, if you decide to paint the Deck bright orange, the study shows that your gecko will be 1.2% less likely to attack the neighbor’s pet rooster, due to the calming effect of the color on the animal’s sensory system.

How does the color actually affect my pet gecko?

A good question. We don’t know. The study committee is requesting another $300 million to be able to complete this portion of its investigation. Though we have a hunch that it is due to an interaction with Hawaiian oatmeal.

How can I make it more unique for my pet gecko?

Excellent question. A recent study, costing approximately 300.2 million Euro Dollars (just about, approximately, nearly, almost $358,218,591.91 USD), was conducted in France. This study had placed a roof on the gecko deck, and it turned out as a result the gecko would be 1.7% less likely to attack your, or your neighbour’s, pet rooster. The downside is that a roof would cost a bit more than a regular Gecko Deck. However, if you call this toll free number now, you can get the Gecko Roof for 1.7% off, just the percentage your (or your neighbour’s) rooster is saved by!

Another viable option includes matching your gecko’s deck to your own house. This idea recieved widespread attention recently through the This Old House Magazine The Doghouse Like Your House contest. To use this idea with your gecko, simply change the word “dog” and make the house/deck slightly smaller.

If I go on vacation what will happen to my gecko and its deck?

Yes, the question we all ask. Because the comfort of our gecko is foremost in our minds. For this very reason a program that’s still in beta has been started in Las Vegas, NV. This program, funded by the US Congress, is known as Gecko Day Care. Your gecko is allowed to associate on the Common Gecko Deck, with other geckos, or alone on a deck of their favourite colour. Guaranteed to make each gecko happy, there are also roosters, refrigerators, and armadillos especially for them to chew on. Don’t forget to call your lawyer to schedule a visit for more details!

Umm…what’s the point?

By now, you are hopefully asking what the point of this whole thing is. (If not…well, I won’t go there.) As should be evident by this entire article, some things just don’t make sense. “Like what?” you may ask. Well, I don’t know. But I thought it would be nice to at least make it look like there was a point to all the madness.

[Editors note: You’re probably wondering what this is doing here…well, we are too. The staff was messing around with a new tool called Writebord and somehow ended up with this article. We liked it, it made us laugh, and we hope you will like it too.]